Need to rant a bit. No need to comment, but comments never go unappreciated.

Well, to start off, this month has pretty much sucked. Seems to me like the last three Octobers have. Not even the thrill of Halloween is left for me. Emo as that sounds, it's true. First, an art block that refused to go away. Second, a quarrel with a dear friend that I STILL don't understand and am not sure how to begin patching up. Third, money's tight again. And lastly, my weekend was shot all to hell and back.

We were supposed to go back to Kansas for Halloween. Money says that isn't happening and there's nothing I can do to rectify it. Fiance's got school tomorrow and he's not willing to miss the first class. I can't blame him. I'm the same way.

[rant]
Just seems to me like ever since my 18th birthday, which my parents weren't home for because they were in Vegas that weekend, October has sucked ass, despite my love and excitement for Halloween. I don't even have the spirit to WANT to dress up tomorrow. I have money in my bank account, but that doesn't help me feel any better, either. That's because I know it's just going to go towards rent, which, although it IS reduced for this month thanks to a friend of our roomie moving into the complex, is still going to suck the remaining funds out of two of us.

I just don't want to call my mom to tell her that we can't make it up there this weekend. I'm expecting a call back from her, and I'll have to tell her then, but I just don't want to. Yeah, we're planning to go home in November, but I just feel like I broke a shit ton of promises, because I was SO sure this weekend was going to happen. Well... That's what happens when you get your heart set on something. You would think I would learn not to do that anymore; that I would learn to be more pessimistic about these things, just so I would save myself the disappointment. But hope is a damn resilient object and I've got a bit too much for my own good sometimes.

Doesn't help that I felt rather forgotten on my birthday. I know this wasn't the case, but that's just how I felt. I missed the call from my mom and my brother because the phone was on silent, I missed my sister's IM because I'd been off MSN for a while, and we didn't have the money to go DO anything for my birthday, either. I did get a couple of well-wishers from friendlisted users on Gaia, which was nice. Didn't really improve my overall mood, though. In a way, I would have even appreciated a call from my dad, even though I hold such a low respect for him right now because of all the shit that my family went through. Then again, he's never called just for the hell of it. Neither have I, but I can never seem to catch his cell phone at the right time, anyway. Talk about a downer, huh?

Speaking of the fam, I don't know how concrete it is, but divorce is pretty imminent between the parents. I'm kinda torn about it. On the one hand, it frees them both up to do as they need to do. But on the other, it puts my family on the stats chart of divorces in the US and marks us as the black sheep of the family. Maybe I care a little too much in that department, but I can't help it if one of my prides was that I came from a family whose parents were still married. So, yeah, blow to the ego and a blast to the patriarchal respect levels. Maybe they'll remarry each other, maybe they won't, maybe one will remarry someone else, maybe not. I dunno anymore. Sure does shatter one's faith in one's roots and shake up one's stability, though. [/rant]

Ain't no wonder why mine and Tyler's relationship's been rocky as of late. We're not in danger of splitting, but we're not feeling as close as usual. We're trying our best not to take out our frustrations with life on each other, though. So far, we're doing pretty good, so that's one security in place. <3

I feel I've gone on long enough, so... I'll leave it at that and wish everyone a Happy Halloween. I just needed to get a lot of crap off my chest.

~Chobe